Demisexual Meaning

  • May 19, 2020
Demisexual is a term used to describe a person who experiences sexual attraction towards another person only if he has a deep emotional bond with that other person. That said, demisexual people don’t develop sexual attraction in the absence of an emotional bond.

This emotional connection doesn’t necessarily refer to romance or love. The bond can be as simple as mere friendship. This means that a demisexual person can be sexually attracted to someone he or she refers to as “just a friend”.

Compared to the general population, demisexuals are less like to be sexually aroused. Naturally, they engage less frequently in sexual activities. These facts are proven by data coming from the Demisexuality Resource Center.[1]

Most people find it easy to be sexually attracted to other people. They develop strong sexual urges towards random people they meet.

For example, an ordinary man can be sexually attracted to a woman he saw in the subway based on the woman’s physical appearance alone. A demisexual man won’t experience the same instant feeling. The demisexual man has to connect with that woman and develop an emotional bond before he can feel any sexual urges.

How long does it take for the emotional bond to develop?

It greatly varies from person to person. Some demisexual people develop an almost instantaneous emotional connection after sharing a memorable experience with another person. This means that the emotional bond can develop in just a few days.

However, for most demisexuals, it takes a bit of time for them to connect deeply with other people. Sometimes it can take years for the connection to develop. This is why many demisexuals remain very close friends with other people before they start having any sexual feelings towards them. [2]

What are the signs that you might be demisexual?

  • Physical appearance is not that important to you. For the majority of demisexuals, the outward look is not a huge factor when it comes to developing and nurturing romantic urges. Demisexuals prefer someone’s personality over his or her looks.
  • People have called you old-fashioned, a prude, or an ice queen. This is because you seem cold and interested when it comes to dating and sex. It’s an understandable observation since demisexuals don’t go around sleeping with everyone they meet. They only sleep with people they develop emotional bonds with.
  • You like having sex, but you don’t consider it as the most important factor in your relationship. The emotional bond you have with your significant other is still way more important than the sex regardless of how good your sex life is.
  • You only develop romantic relationships with close friends. Demisexuals are attracted to the virtues of security and trust. These are virtues that can only be nurtured through long friendships. Demisexuals develop strong sexual feelings towards that friend they can completely trust.
  • First dates are very important to you. For most demisexuals, first dates are often very intense. This is not very surprising since demisexuals are focused on finding emotional connections with the people they meet for the first time. It’s also because if this reason that demisexuals aren’t very good when it comes to dating people they barely know.

References

  1. Hille, Jessica J., et al. “‘Sex’ and the Ace Spectrum: Definitions of Sex, Behavioral Histories, and Future Interest for Individuals Who Identify as Asexual, Graysexual, or Demisexual.” Journal of Sex Research, Dec. 2019, pp. 1–11. PubMed, doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1689378.[]
  2. Iqbal, Nosheen. “No Lust at First Sight: Why Thousands Are Now Identifying As ‘demisexual’.” The Guardian, 7 Sept. 2019[]

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